I'm so exhausted.
Wednesday I had flooding, which in psychological terms means your brain implodes with repressed memories and emotions all at once without any warning. It was so intense and overwhelming that I stormed out of the building (school building) during ninth period. I ended up screaming in my house at my sister. I screamed so loud and so harshly that I lost my voice; I only got it back today. The flooding makes me anxious and upset, though, and it made me sick. So I've been coughing and sneezing my pitiful life away =__=
I've been doing a lot of writing, though. A lot of reading too. A lot of apologizing also.
What's sad is that I feel so lost and so helpless during this time that I'm surrounded by my family, all of them trying so hard to help me and encourage me, but honestly, I've never felt more alone.
My friend David sat me down in my kitchen and he was angry at me. He was angry that I didn't trust him. I told him how I felt, how I felt that he was only a fair-weather friend and that I had never thought of trusting him, because it never occurred to me that he wanted more to do with me. He told me he wants to be there for me. He told me he'd drop every one else in the world to make me happy and that if I write him off, he'll lose the only real friend he's ever had.
We made brownies and watched horror movies the rest of the night and I held his hand during the scary parts where he screamed like a girl. :] He makes me feel better.
Other than that, I got a visit from my friend Erika today. She was worried about me, but...I can't help but feel that she's drifting too. Just like all my other friends...you know, except for David...
I'm moving to California after Graduation. Mom wants to open a diner and make it 50's themed, run around in rollerskates and called it "Mel's Diner" which was apparently an oldies sitcom where a mom and daughter worked an old diner. XP
That doesn't sound too bad.
For now, I'm really sad and I'm really lonely.
I need company. I need a lot of things right now.